Yesterday morning. The sound is WAY off on this one.
I set it to unlisted. Didn’t want YouTube to block it. The fight continued around the corner but I don’t think it got away after that. I’m pretty sure it was a Bluejay.
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Nature is brutal sometimes.
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My client would like me to point out that we clearly see the birdy still moving at the end of the video. So the alleged victim was last seen alive. He claims this does not show the full context nor his intentions.
Also, no body, no crime.
Need to prove a motive, not just a hypothesis or WILD allegation [pun intended]. My client is clearly domesticated.
He also requests to exercise his right to only be judged by a jury of his peers. In this case, that means other cats must determine if he is guilty or not. It’s not right for a different species to judge him. They are not his peers. We are prepared to take this all the way up to the supreme court if necessary as semantics matter in terms of law.
He moves for this court to try him under the precedent-setting higher laws of NATURE. It’s natural and descriptive laws have a higher claim on him than any “prescriptive” laws do in the matter at hand.
And just to be clear, entrapment is illegal, and he claims that someone purposely set bird food in a place it wouldn’t be found in nature and adding a camera is just further evidence that this was purposely set up as a trap to get him to do something he wouldn’t have otherwise done…but maintains the point that he didn’t actually give in to what they tried to entrap him into doing…but if he had, the jury would still have to find him not guilty.
For these and many subsequent reasons that can be demonstrated in a full trial if necessary, my client moves for this court to dismiss all charges against him with prejudice and expunge any marks against his purrrrrrfectly good name.
Thank you in advance your honor.
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That’s hilarious!
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I’m sitting here and my sister were here laughing.
But he’s a repeat offender, your honor. I will present more evidence of him around the corner.
P.s. Can I have permission to quote you in my YouTube video?
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Your honor, I’d like to present exhibit #1…
By the way, my sister (an English teacher) said you are very creative.
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Your honor, I present exhibit #2. Into the sunset.
I rest my case.
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The fate of an innocent cuddleable, my client, is NOT a laughing matter. He is very afraid of retaliation and how much social capital this may cost him. This degree of secondary victimization against my client is very painful.
Paw-don me, but are you fur real?! That’s LIBELOUS! My client has ALWAYS had a CLEAN record (and clean fur) as an upstanding citizen and has never been convicted of anything before. He’s always looking good feline good.
Your honor, my client intends to sue this witness / prosecuting District Attorney for said Libel, and thus we would like to point out that they now have a conflict of interest and can no longer be allowed as part of this case. The Defense moves to have said libel stricken from the record.
Absolutely. Just don’t pull the typical Media stunts to twist anything my client says or stands for. He deserves fairness in the media. We want all feline kind to know that they also have rights and can’t just be slandered upon with allegations of how often they allegedly do things to winged rodents. People are always begging them to get rid of the ground rodents and don’t really mind if they play with the ground rodents, but the moment they want to play with the sky rodents, people treat them like this, and my client says he’s taking a stand for all cat-kind as a Hero.
Bah! Meaningless, it was clearly play to see who has the most endurance. My client was clearly practicing wrestling moves to pin his companion and you’ll notice that each time as soon as the bird became exhausted and stopped struggling, my client gave him space to recover his strength to ensure that his friend was still healthy and okay and could recover. Please note that nowhere in this video did you see my client cause any open wounds, blood, or tear off body parts or eat/swallow any part of the bird, despite having the ability to do all of those things. This is not the behavior of a murderer.
Yes, the truth is most creative force in the universe.
Desperately innocent, with his tail up against the wall confronted with much of humankind’s wrath, and seeing how all his other kin have been judged guilty in the past, my client is prepared to try something new.
My client is reminded of Neil Gaiman saying that
“Fiction is the lie that tells the truth”
Because these fictitious allegations against him are a lie that is forcing him to come out and demonstrate the truth. Furthermore:
“The truth is that creative activity is one that involves the entire self – our emotions, our levels of energy, our characters, and our minds.” --Robert Greene
And my client is putting everything he can into clearing his name, and thus, since it involves EVERYTHING from him, it is automatically creative.
THANK YOU for making my client’s case for us. Remember, sunsets are romantic and beautiful as is this scene. It proves nothing negative against my client. Cats do this exact behavior with all the things they love the most, including their own children! Let me show you some examples:
Some cats even adopt and carry PUPPIES! They even love their frienemies
My client assures the court that his interaction was consensual and cats love birds:
In this case, the prosecutor (who, again, has a conflict of interest in this case), was correct in calling this walking off into the sunset happily ever after, carrying this sweet bird friend in the exact same way that their kind carries their kittens and other things they love. It is the EXACT same thing you see here because my client has felines for the bird. He would never hurt it because they are best furiends furever even if one of them has feathers…the fact is that the bird is a total cat purrrrson because with the right attitude, anything is pawsible, and they’re both purrrrfect just they are, and nobody else should judge them over it because as far as their relationship is concerned, so fur, so good.
My client would like to make it clear that the biased Prosecutor with a conflict of interest and pending a libel suit has rested their case, so nothing further from them should be admitted from the court from here on out. NOTHING.
We would also like to point out that because there is no “body” in this case, nobody can convict my client of anything anyway. We would need to compare the bite marks of death (if there were any) against my client’s dental records, and even though that’s not possible (because the alleged victim is NOT dead), you would also see that the bite marks and my client’s teeth patterns would NOT fit. And we all know that if the bite marks don’t fit, you must acquit. Well, they don’t fit because the victim’s skin was never broken. In all the videos, there is no blood, no missing body parts, etc.
In summary, none of the video evidence shows anything actionable. Quite frankly, this is just another demonstration of how biased society is. All evidence presented here is circumstantial, and the facts and suppositions used here are tenuous conclusions at best by an already demonstrated conflict of interest prosecutor who should quite frankly be disbarred for this ridiculous setup against my client. I mean, look how many cameras they have violating my client’s privacy and relentlessly STALKING and Harassing my client as well demonstrated here. We ask the court to impose an injunction ordering a cease and desist and protective-order/restraining-order against this prosecutor.
There is MORE than enough cause for reasonable doubt here. No jury or judge should convict my client, and a jury of his peers will CERTAINLY have reasonable doubt. Thus there is no point in continuing this circus act brought against this upstanding member of the community. All feline members in favor of conviction, please show so by raising your right fore-paw above your head while inside a swimming pool, voluntarily (no coercion allowed). All those who wish to rule not guilty, show this by taking some time to nap or knock over your owners belongings.
Thank you. We rest our case and expect a unanimous decision with very little deliberation.
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And with that, I have an all-nighter ahead of me to get some work deadlines in on time!
But yes, you can use anything I said in the thread however you would like, and no credit is needed. Use and alter it any way you wish too. 
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This a riot!
BTW, as a third party, if the intent was murder, the alleged murderer would have been far more efficient at the job. It was obvious that the alleged murder is badly out of practice.
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THANK YOU!
Despite the backhanded compliment, my Client is weeping with joy 
that there are still some open-minded humans in this way.
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Purrrrr, purrrrr, purrrr…
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“And with that, I have an all-nighter ahead of me to get some work deadlines in on time.”
What’s the work you’re doing?
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Mostly bookkeeping stuff…billing, payroll, company P&L Ledgers and reconciling accounts, etc.
Gotta get all the complicated billing and scheduling fixed for some companies for the last couple of weeks so I can get their payroll verified and submitted by noon.
Lets me work from home and take ADHD breaks to come here and entertain myself in between focus sessions. 
I’ve automated a TON of stuff for them, and programmed things to automatically flag and verify important things, but it still requires a decent amount of human discretion. It would take multiple full-time people to do what I do now in such little time. But some businesses just contract some of that stuff out to me --or rather my “S-CORP”-- to handle for them. It’s nice to have flexibility and stay home with my family and do things on my own time and be my own boss, etc.
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“If you build it they will come”. You did and so did the 
, A cat’s Field of Dreams . 
The 
gang and their Possum Lawyer say the cat is not guilty because it was a “Set Up” and you failed to provide a secure dinning room for you customers.
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In that case, my client also allows an exception to be made for the gang to be on the jury for this case too.
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I’ll even throw in Dieudonneé Possum as a joint legal counsel or legal advisor. 
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This piece sort of argues it’s incumbent upon birds to hire personal trainers to remain competitive in the ‘coevolutionary arms race.’
Hunting and escape strategies of predators and prey are probably the result of a coevolutionary arms race (Dawkins 1999). Yet, this interaction is asymmetric. An individual prey has more to lose by failure to avoid a predator than predators by failing to catch a prey. Therefore, selection pressures to avoid being killed should be particularly strong for prey species.
It probably argues a lot more and in more detail than I’d ever have capacity for but it might keep ‘Catman’ Carver, Esq. busy for a minute or two.
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And the “Chicken Lady” 
should be charged with enticement on behalf of both the Cat and the mean old Blue Jay’s families. 
Objection! The plaintiff was trespassing!
Just had to deal with chickens getting out of the run (from under the fence). My mother was watching them on the Wyze cam and asked where they all were. For some reason one cam was stopped at the very timeframe when most got out! Looked back on footage from the other cam and found how they got out. Good thing the defendant wasn’t there and my daughter ran back over and got them back inside.
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