The fate of an innocent cuddleable, my client, is NOT a laughing matter. He is very afraid of retaliation and how much social capital this may cost him. This degree of secondary victimization against my client is very painful.
Paw-don me, but are you fur real?! That’s LIBELOUS! My client has ALWAYS had a CLEAN record (and clean fur) as an upstanding citizen and has never been convicted of anything before. He’s always looking good feline good.
Your honor, my client intends to sue this witness / prosecuting District Attorney for said Libel, and thus we would like to point out that they now have a conflict of interest and can no longer be allowed as part of this case. The Defense moves to have said libel stricken from the record.
Absolutely. Just don’t pull the typical Media stunts to twist anything my client says or stands for. He deserves fairness in the media. We want all feline kind to know that they also have rights and can’t just be slandered upon with allegations of how often they allegedly do things to winged rodents. People are always begging them to get rid of the ground rodents and don’t really mind if they play with the ground rodents, but the moment they want to play with the sky rodents, people treat them like this, and my client says he’s taking a stand for all cat-kind as a Hero.
Bah! Meaningless, it was clearly play to see who has the most endurance. My client was clearly practicing wrestling moves to pin his companion and you’ll notice that each time as soon as the bird became exhausted and stopped struggling, my client gave him space to recover his strength to ensure that his friend was still healthy and okay and could recover. Please note that nowhere in this video did you see my client cause any open wounds, blood, or tear off body parts or eat/swallow any part of the bird, despite having the ability to do all of those things. This is not the behavior of a murderer.
Yes, the truth is most creative force in the universe.
Desperately innocent, with his tail up against the wall confronted with much of humankind’s wrath, and seeing how all his other kin have been judged guilty in the past, my client is prepared to try something new.
My client is reminded of Neil Gaiman saying that
“Fiction is the lie that tells the truth”
Because these fictitious allegations against him are a lie that is forcing him to come out and demonstrate the truth. Furthermore:
“The truth is that creative activity is one that involves the entire self – our emotions, our levels of energy, our characters, and our minds.” --Robert Greene
And my client is putting everything he can into clearing his name, and thus, since it involves EVERYTHING from him, it is automatically creative.
THANK YOU for making my client’s case for us. Remember, sunsets are romantic and beautiful as is this scene. It proves nothing negative against my client. Cats do this exact behavior with all the things they love the most, including their own children! Let me show you some examples:
Some cats even adopt and carry PUPPIES! They even love their frienemies
My client assures the court that his interaction was consensual and cats love birds:
In this case, the prosecutor (who, again, has a conflict of interest in this case), was correct in calling this walking off into the sunset happily ever after, carrying this sweet bird friend in the exact same way that their kind carries their kittens and other things they love. It is the EXACT same thing you see here because my client has felines for the bird. He would never hurt it because they are best furiends furever even if one of them has feathers…the fact is that the bird is a total cat purrrrson because with the right attitude, anything is pawsible, and they’re both purrrrfect just they are, and nobody else should judge them over it because as far as their relationship is concerned, so fur, so good.
My client would like to make it clear that the biased Prosecutor with a conflict of interest and pending a libel suit has rested their case, so nothing further from them should be admitted from the court from here on out. NOTHING.
We would also like to point out that because there is no “body” in this case, nobody can convict my client of anything anyway. We would need to compare the bite marks of death (if there were any) against my client’s dental records, and even though that’s not possible (because the alleged victim is NOT dead), you would also see that the bite marks and my client’s teeth patterns would NOT fit. And we all know that if the bite marks don’t fit, you must acquit. Well, they don’t fit because the victim’s skin was never broken. In all the videos, there is no blood, no missing body parts, etc.
In summary, none of the video evidence shows anything actionable. Quite frankly, this is just another demonstration of how biased society is. All evidence presented here is circumstantial, and the facts and suppositions used here are tenuous conclusions at best by an already demonstrated conflict of interest prosecutor who should quite frankly be disbarred for this ridiculous setup against my client. I mean, look how many cameras they have violating my client’s privacy and relentlessly STALKING and Harassing my client as well demonstrated here. We ask the court to impose an injunction ordering a cease and desist and protective-order/restraining-order against this prosecutor.
There is MORE than enough cause for reasonable doubt here. No jury or judge should convict my client, and a jury of his peers will CERTAINLY have reasonable doubt. Thus there is no point in continuing this circus act brought against this upstanding member of the community. All feline members in favor of conviction, please show so by raising your right fore-paw above your head while inside a swimming pool, voluntarily (no coercion allowed). All those who wish to rule not guilty, show this by taking some time to nap or knock over your owners belongings.
Thank you. We rest our case and expect a unanimous decision with very little deliberation.